Everyone knows the feeling of getting back to your own bed after a vacation. I also like to get back to my own shower. It was a wonderful adventure Marilyn and I had and while it is nice to be home, I have to admit that I miss being with her even if we are just minutes apart.  When God made men and women, I think he meant for us to go through this life as a pair. I know some choose to go it alone but I for one prefer to be a part of a pair. I get my joy through the person with whom I am sharing an adventure. In other words, when Marilyn saw cave point for the first time, I was there and I felt her joy and excitement. When she said, “ I would do that” referring to the kids jumping off the rocks into the water below, I felt the exhilaration as her heart beat faster thinking about it.  I could never feel the same by myself.  Sharing this adventure,  the maiden voyage of the restored Roadtrek motorhome, was more than I could have imagined. Thank you, Marilyn for allowing me to share your joy.

We started our trip on Sunday morning, heading north to Sturgeon Bay Wisconsin.  I was a bit apprehensive taking this old motorhome so far from home. I remembered the last time I set out on an adventure in a restored van. That trip across country to California and up the coast into Canada, was a trip of a lifetime. It was also a mechanical nightmare the entire trip from the Rockies on the way out,  to the 150 mile tow home from the north west border of Illinois; but that is a whole different story. As it turned out this trip was free of all those mechanical concerns. The van was perfect in its performance. The ride was more comfortable than in my car. I calculated the mileage on the first tank of gas and it was more than 13 mpg. That is great when you are carrying or towing your mini home with you. And the van is fun to drive. Marilyn even took a turn on the way home.

We arrived at the Felds a little after lunchtime and they were the perfect hosts.  It was a little like being in a tree house with the views of surrounding treetops through the windows. Even the climb up Mt Feld  from the first floor after going down to the bathroom was like climbing up to a treehouse.  It took Marilyn about 2 minutes to become close friends with Nancy and Hans.  It is so rewarding sharing Marilyn’s friendship with others.  Everyone loves her and they are happy seeing the joy she brings to me.

After a nice visit, we headed over to  Potawatomi  state park where we would be watching for the tall ships to arrive on Monday afternoon. I paid my $38 for a yearly pass for all the Wisconsin parks, and we started our search for a good viewing location. As we left the ranger station, I noticed there were some non-electric camping sites available. It started me thinking that for this to be truly a maiden voyage, we should actually camp in the van at least a night.  There were some open sites near the water where the ships would be arriving. I put those thoughts into my mix of things to think about. After finding the best viewing sites, and getting acquainted with the park, we headed back to the Felds for the night.

Following our first night at the Felds, we headed to the park again. I wanted to see if there just might be an open camping site with electricity. I asked at the gate as we entered the park. ”There is one electric site open”, the ranger said. We took it. We went through the campground to see where we would be located. I figured that we needed to be back to a viewing spot by about two for the four PM arrival of the ships; so, We headed north to find Cave point, a county park on the water where the waves of Lake Michigan crash into the rocky bluffs shore line. There were young people standing in line to make the jump off the rocks into the clear water below.  Marilyn looked at me and said, “ I would do that.” I could feel the excitement she was feeling as the thoughts of jumping into the water bounced around in her brain. I think she was vicariously enjoying the experience watching the kids, one by one, get the chance to make the plunge. I thought about it and yes, I too would have joined the line of jumpers in my youth.  How fun it was to be here with Marilyn; and how different it was from previous times I have been there.  At that point, we both agreed that it was the best part of the trip so far. I checked my watch and decided we had better head for our viewing spot so we headed south back to Sturgeon Bay, to the park.

We found a shady spot to park the van and headed down to the shoreline with chairs and cameras. The snacks we had picked up at a convenience store filled our stomachs and the joy of the sharing this adventure filled our hearts.  One ship came in early. And finally, on schedule the other ships started making their way down into Sturgeon Bay  past our observation spots. I maned my camera and Marilyn, who is also a proficient photographer, took her spot and we captured the event . I was disappointed that all the ships were coming in under power without sails open.

I have seen this event played out in Chicago and  the sight of those ships with sails up is heart pounding . These naked masts were not what I was hoping for but the ships are still amazing.

The parade of ships ended and some of the people started packing up their gear but I was in no hurry. We just had a short ride to the campground. Marilyn said, “ perhaps the other ships are raising their sails and will be still coming.”  I said that I didn’t think so. I felt this was it. Disappointingly, I said, “ I think that was the end.”  Then someone said, “ Here comes another ship with the sails up.”  I got my camera ready again and sure enough there were more ships and they had sails up.  They were smaller ships but

none the less exciting to watch. It was a wonderful afternoon.

I stopped for firewood on the way to the camp site so we were set for a wonderful romantic night by the campfire.  We backed in and connected the electric line to the van. Now, we had air conditioning. Neither one of us sleeps well in the heat. Now, I could be certain we would not be hot. Then I thought about the fire. The wood was good and dry hardwood. It looked like oak to me. Oak makes a great fire but it is hard to get it started.  Now, keep in mind that while I have been prepping the van mechanically, I have given no thought about  providing the van with the tools needed to have things like a fire. I had no hatchet for splitting the split logs into kindling. I also had no fire starting material. We headed back to the camp store and what luck, They had one hatchet and the waxy sawdust fire starters. It wasn’t long before we had a roaring campfire. There we sat, side by side warmed by the popping fire in the cool 85 degree Wisconsin afternoon.  We held hands and shared an occasional kiss when we were not in hand to hand combat with the mosquito army mustering around our campsite. With my back pain, another walk to the camp store was out of the question so Marilyn fought her way through  the mosquito curtain off to the camp store again.  Upon her return, We doused  ourselves with the oily skin protection. It didn’t stop the diving bombers but after buzzing around and finding no good landing spot, they would just hover waiting for the force field to open, for their final attack. One group had a cargo net that they planned to use to wrap me up and carry me away to be eaten slowly by the entire community. Fortunately, when  they flew it through the fire, the spider webbing material flamed up like a July 4^th display. They headed back for reinforcements and we headed into the camper. Perhaps we have to rethink our Wisconsin camping, where the mosquito is the state bird and the warm moist summer they have had is ideal for breeding the nasty vampires.

Inside provided its own challenges. A small unit like this is a little like playing musical chairs. On person needs to  move before the other can change places. The front seats swivel around and when the curtains are all drawn, it really is a comfortable little house.  The bed is a standard double bed. It is smaller than a queen.  If I were much taller, I could easily hit my head and feet at opposite ends but I am not and neither is Marilyn.  She started against the wall but her touch of claustrophobia made her uncomfortable so I got the wall side. Fortunately this was a one bathroom run, night. While climbing over someone might seem a bit stimulating, keep in mind why I have to get up. No time for a stop on this journey.  When I returned, empty, she had moved to the wall side so there was no more option for climbing over.  Anyone who thinks those campers are all a rockin’, have obviously not done much camping. They are seldom conducive to much more than a kiss. Besides the cramped conditions there is also the lingering bug spray.

Morning brought cooler temperatures and a beautiful sky filled with those wandering puffy white clouds.  We spent the day sightseeing with Nancy, before going out to dinner. We went to a local garden exhibit kept by area Master Gardeners.  We also went to see the restored one room southern door county schoolhouse. You can take the school teacher out of the classroom but you can’t take the classroom out of the school teacher. Marilyn was ready to start class as soon as we saw the fantastic restoration.  So these Illinoisans could show their gratitude for a wonderful visit, we took Hans and Nancy out to dinner.  Now it was time to return to the treehouse for the final night.

Wednesday morning  we headed to the cheese store for some fresh cheese curds. We arrived with the rest of the crowd at 8 AM   and found they were still out of curds. The truck was due in about 10 so we waited.  A truck arrived so we scampered into the store like two little kids heading in to the old Peases candy shop for penny candy. No, this was not the delivery of curds. After standing around for some time, we were told it would be another hour. We decided it was time to leave this beautiful place and return to the  comfortable routine of being at home.

This brings us to the end this adventure but now that we know the van is a comfortable fit for both of us, you can expect many more adventures in the future. You will be able to follow along as we navigate through love and life in the 70’s .

Christmas 2018

A time to live . . . . . And a time to die . . . . . . . . . . . And a time to live again!

It is with great joy and sadness that I share this Christmas letter.   On November 2, 2018 Pat loosened her grip on her life here and allowed the angels to take her home where so many of her family awaited her return. Those of us who must remain behind must pick up the pieces of memories she left behind and go on with our lives here. That is where I find myself at this time. I am joined in my sorrow by a supportive family and many friends. I am so thankful for that.  Because this Christmas letter will be going to those same friends, I say Thank You to all who have shared this portion of my journey. But as we always told our kids; you have to get up, brush yourself off and move on.  Cancer is a family disease because it affects everyone in the family but the reverse of that is also true; in that once Pat was free of her nemesis, so were we.

The year 2018 in review

2018 started with little fanfare;  Pat was in bed by nine and I watched some fireworks around the world on TV and ushered in the new year from a reclining position in my lounger.  Our life by this time was revolving around doctor visits, tests, scans, chemo and all things health related.  We tried to work life in amid these constant interruptions.  I was torn between trying to fulfill Pats desire to travel and her need to be doctored.  Travel windows became shorter and shorter.

I knew that Pat’s remaining time was short so I tried for one last trip to celebrate our March 23^rd, 50^th wedding anniversary. We planned a three week trip to Key West Florida for April. We drove the car because it would be more comfortable than the truck and camper and for the same reason stayed in Motels. I also wanted to be able to get back quickly if needed. It took us four days to make the trip and Pat did well riding. When we got to Key West, we moved into my nephew’s guest house. Kim and Krystal flew down and met up to make the final drive from southern Florida together. They joined us at Todd’s house for a week of sightseeing and enjoying the seafood. Pat was so happy to be able to share this time with all of us and we felt the same.  We left the nightlife primarily for the kids and they made the most of it. I think we all fell in love with Key West.  Given the opportunity, Krystal would have stayed; so would I. As the week together started to wind down, Krystal had to drive back up to Miami area for her flight back. Kim, Pat and I had another day before we started back. It was this last couple days that Pat started showing some distress. She did not have her normal appetite and was taking home more food than she ate.  We first passed it off as an allergy she was having some trouble breathing and was all stopped up with sinuses. We drove Kim back up to Fort Myers for her flight home and Pat and I stayed for a couple nights so we could go to see some sights at the wildlife sanctuary.  We drove around on familiar roads but the birds we expected to see had already migrated north.  Even with her walker, Pat was having difficulty doing much walking. On several occasions, she would have to stop and I would go on alone.

From there our plans took us to visit our friends the Dershimers in Orlando area. We planned to stay there two or three nights but it was becoming clearer that Pat was going downhill fast.  Plans would have taken us from there to Jacksonville, Fl to visit an old school friend, Karen Wonders Hart and then over to Virginia Beach to visit another old friend, Keven Burke. I knew I had to get Pat back home and into the doctor; so, we skipped those visits and headed home the next morning, cutting our visit with Dershimers to the one night. I planned to take three days to make the return trip but even that had to be shortened and the last two days of driving were combined into one long day so Pat could get to the doctor on Friday. By this time, Pat had gone from walker to wheelchair she was so weak.  I was glad we had made this trip but I knew it would be the last vacation for her and I was so glad the girls had joined us down there.

2018 was Pat’s 5^th year, fighting the metastatic breast cancer spreading through her body. By this time, we were changing chemo drugs about every 3 months as each provided no significant effect on the growing cancer. She did fight off the sinus infection and felt better. By May, we were taking day trips and she was in less pain as she was now on Norco and a fentanyl patch.  She was back to using the walker and she had a renewed spirit. The middle of May, I ordered myself a new electric bicycle. Cycling was one of the few things I liked to do outside by myself. That purchase was probably my highlight of the year. It was amazing how much good two hours on my bike helped my morale, not to mention my general health.  I was able to leave Pat for these couple hours and she could get around the house and to the bathroom on her own.  In June, I was able to go to the doctor about my back and tell him I didn’t need the planned cortisone treatment to my back and surgery was no longer on the table; because the new exercise I was getting on my bike was easing the back pain.  I got the camper ready for a camping trip and we spent a few days out at Sanchris State Park relaxing in the sun overlooking the lake. It was good to get away in the camper but Pat was not up to much walking even with the walker.

In July, Pat had a cyst removed from her back. A biopsy showed it to be more breast cancer in her skin. Scans now were showing spots on her liver and in her lungs.  Her waking hours became shorter and the pain killers increased in quantity and type. Pain was constant while she was awake but she was able to sleep.  We were now reaching that point where everything became a blur. It was like those last few minutes of an emptying tub where the water spins out of control down the drain. September and October were like that, spinning out of control. She began losing blood and had to have transfusions on several occasions. She was admitted to the hospital after going to the ER for severe side pain. The pain was not diagnosed but she was found to have sepsis, an infection in her bloodstream. She was put on strong IV antibiotics and eventually released to go home with me administering  the IV infusions of antibiotics every 8 hours for 6 weeks.  Those finished October 4^th and blood tests showed no recurrence but she was still anemic and required transfusions. Later in October, she was having trouble breathing and again, we were admitted to the hospital for an extended stay. This time it was fluid around her lungs that did not allow her to take a full breath. The liter of fluid removed contained blood and cancer cells.  It was becoming more and more evident that her lungs were fully involved.  The pain was increasing with little relief and radiation was suggested to ease the pain.  By this time we were on pain control only; because the cancer had gone too far to cure.   The first two treatments to her back seemed to ease the pain in her side so we suspected, it was a compression of the nerve from the cancer in her spine.  Then, while still getting radiation, Pain increased dramatically.

Her last night at home brought continued pain and when I could not give her enough medicine to ease the pain; she asked me to call an ambulance. She said she did not want to die at home. At this point, she was just too tired to fight any longer. She wanted it to all end. The following are taken from my FB posts following her passing.

Facebook November 2^nd: Every story has a beginning and an end. Pat’s story is no different. There was only one possible end because the only cure for life is death. We come into this world encased in a physical body. We know from the beginning it isn’t perfect. It will eventually wear out. For those who loved her, and there are many, it is important to know how she died.
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After a painful night, she was put on a morphine drip. As long as she showed any discomfort, the dosage was increased until she was in comfort and showing no signs of distress. It was explained that this same drug that took away her pain also would eventually take away her breath of life. She had family members at her side the two days she was in the hospital. During that time, she could respond to sounds with breathing rhythm, gripping your hand or facial movement. When I told her I loved her, she tried to speak and I knew. I had read that sometimes the patient will wait to go when loved ones are NOT present to protect them from the viewing of the actual death. I left her last night and told her she could go while I was gone if that was her wish and kissed her good-by.
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When I arrived this morning, the nurses were giving her a bath. They were so caring and gentle. They had turned on some music channel on the TV with soothing music. The room felt as if it were filled with angels. I was at peace and obviously so was Pat. I looked at her thinking how beautiful she was as she glowed in the morning sun. As I sat there holding her hand she ever so gently slowed her breathing and then stopped. I watched for her to start again but she didn’t. She was at last free from an all too restrictive body filled with cancer. The cancer took her body but that released her soul.
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I am sure someplace in Heaven, she is lining up angels alphabetically and by height. I’m sure she will get the Akashic records all organized and Heaven will be spotless.
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I removed the wedding ring that she never took off and will wear it on a chain close to my heart. A love bond this strong can’t be broken by a death because the love is the energy of spirit. It is eternal. I loved her in other lives and I will continue to love her till we can be together again. Peace my love. I love you so.

Facebook November 3^rd:This will be short because I need my beauty sleep. I first want to say thank you to all who have shared this part of my life. I do read all the comments even if I don’t comment or “like” . I have often asked myself why I continue to share my thoughts even when there are no comments. The response here validates my reasoning. Sharing my feelings helps others process their own feelings. I have always been a teacher and the best way to teach is by example. I am not saying everything I do is right because if that were the case, I would be finished here and on my way to be with Pat. I obviously have more to share. If I share my lessons, perhaps you can learn from my mistakes so you don’t have to learn from your own. I love the spirit within every one of you even if I don’t agree with your politics. If even one person realizes we are all one. One with each other and one with our creator, I will feel I have accomplished something. We are all held together with the energy of love, the energy of God. I have learned a great many lessons through many incarnations. This last week, I learned the beauty of death. I have never experienced the feeling of love that I felt in that room before Pat was carried home on the wings of angels. I was truly blessed by the presence of Gods messengers. There are many accounts of near death experiences. I feel like I experienced that same feeling through Pat as she was immersed in pure Love. Because of our closeness, like that of a twin, I was feeling what she was feeling. Death is nothing to fear. While I will not go looking for it, I certainly will embrace it when I have finished here and my turn to go home comes. Live life to the fullest, my friends, it is all a gift of lessons to make us more like our creator and less like the animals we inhabit while here. Love and Light. Now, I have truly experienced the Light and felt the Love.

November 7^th we had a celebration of life for Pat at our church, St Johns Lutheran.  On several occasions during the visitation, we were prodded by the Pastor to quicken the pace because the line extended outside. I don’t have any idea how many were there. If you asked Trump, it was in the millions. I can’t be sure; I didn’t count.  At the church service, several gave accounts of Pat’s life. Mine follows.

November 7^th: Let me start with a disclaimer. This is the small print usually at the end of an important document.  As most of you know I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  .  .  .  .  . Well, let me change that. I post my emotions on FaceBook.  So, if I become a blubbering idiot someplace along the presentation, please bear with me. I’ll try to recover and proceed.

So, Who was Patti Jo Saladino Sriner? She was a very old soul who has accompanied me on many adventures in this life and others. If you ask most people who knew her, “what do you remember about Pat” and they would most often say, “ I remember her smile” . It would literally light up a room. We tried to show that smile in the picture for her obituary and the poster out front.  She was beautiful the first time I saw her in High School and she was beautiful the day she passed on to be with her Father in Heaven.  But her beauty didn’t reside just on the surface; it went all the way down to her core. And that beauty  would shine like a beacon in the dark. I know there is someone out there right now poking their partner and whispering, “ It Probably was from all the radiation she has had.

Pat took after her Dad when it came to work ethic.  She was always early to work and put in her full eight hours.  Like her father, I think she judged her self-worth,  by  her job performance. She told the story of her first summer job working for the city. She was confronted early on by her coworkers telling her to slow down because she made them look bad. But, she never slowed down.  She was also a compulsive helper.  This sometimes got her in trouble because some felt her “helping” was obtrusive.  She would go to the point of helping you finishing your sentences.  I can assure you that while her help was not always the most tactful; her motive was as pure as her smile. When chastised, she would always reply, “ I was just trying to help”  and that was the truth.

When she was not working, she wanted to travel. She considered herself a wandering gypsy.  We never had much money but we always took vacations. She has seen all but the far North-east of the contiguous United States.  I hope to take her there, with me, in spirit.  Even with her invasive cancer, she wanted to travel ; sometimes, just out to the wildlife sanctuary. This last spring, we made it down to Key West to celebrate our 50^th anniversary. She loved the trip because we were joined by both our daughters; but her health started to really deteriorate as we started to take a long way back and we had to cut it short.

Just the other day, I was putting some stuff into her dresser  drawer and found a stack of lists. Now everyone who knew her knew she was world famous for her list making; but I never knew she saved what she thought were the important ones.  I won’t say she was a hoarder but she did hate to throw things away.   On the kitchen table, I even found a list for me about how she wanted this service to go.  If we had followed that list exactly, you would all be seated alphabetically and color coded  by family.

She loved her family and I hope none of you were offended that you were not listed in the obituary. If we included all the family members that she loved, it would have read like an Italian who’s who.  The key word here is LOVE and Pat did love people. She never knew a stranger  and I mean that literally. No matter where we went, she would be pointing out someone she was sure she knew.  I have to say that everyone she knew was a little better off having known her.

This was followed by a solo of the Lords Prayer.

Now, with Christmas bearing down, I try to continue remembering the good times. I hope the Kids and I can share the love and joys of the season with each other to fill the void created by Pat’s absence.

Now, as this year comes to a close, so does this annual Christmas Letter. It also brings with it a close of a major chapter in my life but not the end my life. I have new challenges to conquer, new mountains to climb, and new adventures to live. And yes, I have new Christmas Letters to write. This letter was difficult to write but I felt it was necessary. For some, it was probably difficult to read. Even if you found it difficult to read, I hope you gained some understanding of Pat and I and our true love for each other. We had a great life together of more than 50 years. We produced two wonderful daughters and watched our 2 grand kids grow. I pray none of you will need to walk this path behind me but I’m sure some will. If you do, let my account give you some understanding of the road ahead and above all, keep the faith; nurture the love; and let in the Light.

May 2019 bring you a new awareness of your place in the world of spirit and may that place be filled with health, happiness and Love.

Bless you all,
Love and Light, I AM,

Dulany

How would you like to go back to black and white movies or TV? It seems to me that a black and white world is what our political system has become. Black or white, Republican or Democrat, White or non-white, Christian or non-Christian, these are the choices we seem to be given. What ever happened to the balance? Our country was designed to be a balance of the opposite opinions; that’s why so many checks and balances were included in our constitution. E pluribus unum or one out of many is found on the Great Seal of the United States. It signifies that we are one Nation coming from many differing peoples. The term United States signifies the uniting of many into one but somehow the recent political system is anything but united.

It seems that both sides have wandered to opposite ends of the spectrum of black vs. white. The compromise is all but gone; and yet if you come to the people when put on the spot, they will instinctively come together for the good of the group. This is as it should be. Look around at the actions of the people in natural disasters; you will find blacks running into burning buildings to save white people. The reverse is equally true. So, why do our elected representatives not represent US!? The reason seems simple to me. They are not there to govern, they are there to feather their own caps. To do this they choose up sides to compete with each other from opposite sides of the fence. Nobody wants to walk up to the fence and offer their hand to a counter-part. They huddle in dark rooms devising plans to defeat the others. But, the others are also us. Just like there have always been good and evil, there has always been fighting in government and most people have accepted the fact;  thinking there is nothing they can do about it.  With the prevalence of wide spread communication from the airwaves to the internet, these teams or gangs of politicians are now trying to increase their gangs strength by enlisting we the people. Is this what we have become? Political gangs?

We the people are NOT really that different. Sure we have differences of opinion and those differences are in degrees but we have been brainwashed to believe our gang is best and the only one that can save the country from the other.

Let’s start with our opinions about immigrants. We all know our country was made up of immigrants. The American Indians are the ONLY indigenous peoples here and at one time I guess they had to come here from someplace. I’m a liberal but I don’t want complete open borders. We do need to provide a fair way for immigrants to escape repression and fear, for a better life in America just like all our forefathers did. We need a fair and equitable way to allow them to find safe harbor here and become citizens. That should be their goal and ours. They should not be supported by the government besides humanitarian aid unless they do become citizens. The fact that they are all getting public aid and such is not factual. Yes, we do provide for illegal alien pregnant mothers because they are carrying future citizens. That is the the current law. We need a system that is not yes, you can move in or no you can’t cross our borders. We need a conditional approach. OK, you can come in to save your self and your children from the persecution in your country but you must become a contributing member of our society or leave after a prescribed time.

How about abortion? I remember running for school board and someone asked me what was my stand on abortion. I paused and replied, ” I would definitely be against it in the classroom!” No, I didn’t win that election! And, No, I don’t believe in killing but I also think a woman has the right to control her own body. Again, it isn’t a simple right or wrong. If we turn to making all abortion illegal, what is next? Will it be all forms of birth control?

Let’s look at the form of government. What do you really want the government to do?  I think most of us want the government to protect us and to provide services.  OK, should those services be actually provided by the government or private sectors?  Should they be capitalistic or  more socialistic? I’m sure many of you cringe at the thought of socialism so you jump to capitalism.  With pure capitalism, all these services would be provided by private firms. Perhaps the Pinkertons could provide police services on a person by person basis. Roads would all be private and would be operated on a toll basis.  No public libraries and the internet would be completely unregulated so things like Facebook might be at additional cost. There would be no public lakes or parks. These are all a form of socialism where they are owned by the government and used by all equally. I think most of us would not want a completely capitalistic system.  It’s just not practical or economically sustainable. How about schools where the poor would have no access. This country used to lead the world in innovation because we had a good worker base that were educated to be able to perform difficult production.  Public education is socialistic. Like everything else socialism and capitalism are not just black and white. The capitalists need to be regulated to provide services and products that are safe  realistically priced and the socialists need to be constrained so as not to take over all production like communism.

Life is not just black and white. It is all forms and shapes of colors and shades.  Our data might have gone binary but our life is far from it.  Rather than yelling at each other over the fence, we need to talk to one another. I’m betting we have far more in common than our politicians want us to believe.  Get out of the political gangs and join the unity of all humanity.

Obviously, this is my opinion. I’m no expert but I do know that the present state of our nation is not good and we need to reign in the hate speech from both sides.

Love and Light